I don’t want this blog to be political or continually focused on world affairs. My intent is for it to be more about my personal experiences, creative writing, and spiritual contemplations. But if you haven’t noticed, things are really heating up in the world and human liberty and the cohesion of society seem in great peril. If you can set aside your fear and bias, and look with your inner eye at what is really happening, you will see that these times are dark and dangerous indeed. The correlations between Biblical prophecy and current affairs are too close to ignore. I cannot ignore these things and carry on like these are not urgent and alarming times. I’ve been sounding the alarm for years now and have been harshly mocked and derided for doing so. Yet he who laughs last wins. While I’m in a biblical mood, I’ll leave you with one last quote:
“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” Ephesians 6:11-17
Find my new Rumble Channel here, and PLEASE subscribe!
This above video is my last post on YouTube, and my last interaction with the Google/Youtube corporation. I will no longer tolerate YouTube’s brazen suppression of free expression and manipulation of information, motivated by it’s extreme political bias and the role it plays in innovating the infrastructure of the fastly encroaching technocratic and tyrannical New World Order of which China is the testing ground and guiding model. Even if these grave faults weren’t enough to drive me away in protest and disgust, several months ago they quietly changed their policy and decided to monetize all content without permission of the content creators themselves, profiting off the content we create while only giving a pittance share to those with massive viewership who qualify for their monetization program. In other words, YouTube places advertisements on all my videos now to eke a profit out of them and I don’t see single cent. It is we the creators who lend this platform its value, and YouTube seems intent on abusing us in any way it can for it’s own gain and deceptive, malevolent purposes. It is said that America is no longer a Constitutional Republic nor a representative Democracy, but a Corporate Oligarchy. You can be sure that the Google/YouTube corporation is among the chief corporate oligarchs who seek to undermine the American mission of Liberty to usher in a “new normal” of global authoritarian control, securing their place in this budding tyrannical regime. The corporation is traitorous to the values of this great country in which it was founded and enriched itself, and is an enemy to all freedom loving people. I can no longer in good faith support this platform or mislead my fans to participate in that seditious site.
Therefore I have deleted all my creative content, many hours of original music, live performances, nature footage, and poetry, and I have moved it all to my new Mateo Monk Music channel on Rumble.com, hoping they will live up to their avowed commitment to free expression and fair monetization. I thank you all for your support and viewership over the years, and I earnestly encourage all of you to subscribe to my new Rumble channel and to abandon all association with the Google/YouTube company. Google has one of the worst reputations in the tech industry for abuse of privacy and the manipulation/suppression of information. Do not use their search engine and cancel your gmail accounts. I recommend Duck Duck Go for a search engine and Proton Mail for an email host. All my life I’ve heard that we should vote with our dollar. Let us vote Google out of power and out of business. We the people will not surrender our freedom without a fight (or ever!), and we will hold our abusers accountable for their crimes against humanity. If you think I sound a little crazy or that I am blowing things out of proportion, I would counter that you aren’t paying enough attention and need to stop having your worldview dictated to you by the blatantly corrupt mainstream media. The only way to end this nightmare into which the entire world is rapidly sinking is to WAKE UP. World War III started long ago while we were all distracted arguing on Facebook. There is no backing out now. The only choices are to fight for freedom or to succumb to global tyranny. As I’ve said often before, “You may mock me now, but you’ll remember me later.”
Lastly, I just wanted to share a recent article (only a few days old) as an example of Google’s transparent corruption and brazen manipulation of information. It’s about how Google rapidly moved to manipulate their search engine results for “Mass Formation Psychosis”, after the very relevant term was placed into public consciousness by Dr. Robert Malone, the inventor of the mRNA technology on which these toxic and ineffective “vaccines” were based, during an interview with Joe Rogan… which of course the YouTube “Ministry Of Truth” quickly deleted. This is just to give you an idea of the corrupt behemoth we are dealing with. The article:
I will leave the above single video up for the next several months to guide people to my new Rumble channel and to inspire others to participate in the mass exodus, and then I will delete my YouTube account altogether and having nothing more to do with Google/YouTube. If YouTube decides to delete it before then, I would take that as a badge of honor. The can silence my voice like so many others, but the truth will be heard and justice will prevail. See you on the other side. Stay free, stay vigilant. Love and blessings,
Again, here is the link to my new Rumble Channel. PLEASE SUBSCRIBE!!!
…is to practice fearless and persistent civil disobedience in regard to all measures regarding COVID-19, pushing back against the fastly encroaching medical tyranny being imposed globally, and to encourage others to do the same. In fact, I have been practicing civil disobedience and sounding the alarm against these destructive, senseless, authoritarian measures since the get-go of this PLANdemic and it has been quite the loveless battle, costing me many friends and even damaging my career. But I am unrepentent with unassailable conviction.
The narratives are starting to unravel and people are beginning to wake up to the fact that they are being manipulated and lied to, that their liberties are being stripped, and even worse, that they are being injured by these toxic and inneffective “vaccines”. Nearly everything I have cautioned about since March of 2020 has come to pass. So now it is time to double down, push back harder, sound the alarm even louder, and to be a thorn in the side of every devil with a hand in this diabolical scheme. They will all be exposed and held accountable for their crimes.
I am a sovereign being and bow to no man or agency. I will breathe freely and move about as I please, and I will make my own informed choices regarding what is best for my health. I’d rather be a free man in my grave than living as a puppet or a slave. The best way to end this nightmare is to WAKE UP!!!
If you don’t know what I’m talking about or think I sound crazy, then you’re not paying enough attention and need to stop letting the TV and social media do your thinking for you. We are not in the midst of a pandemic; we are in the midst of a war.
…interview with Dr. Robert Malone, the INVENTOR of mRNA technology. I’m trying to keep this site as non-political as possible, however, this video isn’t political at all, but it does address many grave and concerning aspects about this neverending pandemic, and the foolishness, if not outright malevolence, of the way it’s being handled. If you value health and liberty, take the time to hear this man’s words. Share as wide as possible.
The Mahabharata is without question the most moving, enlightening, mystifying, and compelling book I have ever read. I truly believe it is a gift to humanity and should be read by all people who yearn to understand the riddle of Life more deeply, by all seekers of Truth. Yet the Mahabharata is anything but a dry and tedious scripture. It is a heroic epic, the tale of the five Pandava princes and the great dharma yuddha (war) at the crack of the ages between the dvapara and kali yugas. It is a page turner of a book, and touches on every possible human emotion and conflict.
The Mahabharata was written by the immortal sage Vyasa. So many times we wonder “What is life? What is the lesson that life teaches? What is the meaning of the bedazzling and wondrous mystery?” I feel that, being an immortal, Vyasa had seen and known the entire arc of Life’s story, and in the Mahabharata he set forth to encapsulate and illustrate the entire scope, meaning, and purpose of Life for us mortals of limited perspective and experience. It’s all in there. Vyasa’s lens leaves nothing unexplored. He lays out the entire map. I know some people call the Bible the Greatest Story Ever Told. As one who holds deep reverance for the New Testament, I personally believe that honor goes to the Mahabharata.
This is my second reading of the Mahabharata this year. It is an incredibly long story but has not lost my interest for a second. There are only two or three unabridged translations that I know of in the English language, one of which will provide for my third reading of the epic. The two I have read were tasteful retellings as opposed to translations. The first was by William Buck. I loved his retelling of the Ramayana, however I discovered that his version of the Mahabharata was far too truncated, leaving out too many important aspects of the story. Nevertheless I found it compelling and deeply moving; the source material is simply that good that it’s light shines through. The second retelling of the Mahabharata I read was by Ramesh Menon and it came in a two volume set totalling 1564 pages. His version is very thorough and true to the original, and I was floored to discover just how much greater depth, detail, and nuance his version contained compared to Buck’s. I do highly recommend his version. The unabridged translations are a bit tedious for the modern ear, nevertheless I will read Bibrek Debroy’s unabridged translation next.
I took the above picture not so much for my few readers on this blog, but more for my own memories. This period of my Life has been incredibly pivotal and the study of the Mahabharata has much to do with that. During my reading of this text I have bought my dream ranch in Wyoming, worked for several months rennovating my new home while adapting to the new area, and I suffered through not one but two bouts with Covid, and still suffer from frustrating long haul symptoms that just won’t go away. I took the picture to memorialize this time in my life. Reading the Mahabharata is a true landmark in my life, and one of the greatest pleasures I’ve ever enjoyed. As you can see by the open book in the picture, I’m actually still not finished with my second reading, but today I did read the pivotal chapters where the anti-hero Karna is slain, which is perhaps the climax of the story. I’m writing this now rather than when I finish because it’s the journey I want to remember.
I wanted to briefly mention the character Karna. His entire life was tragic and full of suffering and misfortune, and even though he fought in the war on the side of evil for the wicked prince Duryodhana, that didn’t diminish his status as the greatest archer to ever live and one of the noblest humans to ever walk the Earth. I know that sounds strange to hear, but the book is very clear about that, even Lord Krishna himself extols Karna’s skill and virtue over the story’s true hero, Arjuna. You’ll have to read it to understand. Nevertheless, I don’t think I’ve ever been so deeply moved by a single character’s plight in any film or literature I’ve ever absorbed. I have cried for Karna many times. Tears well up in my eyes as I write this. So heart wrenching. At one point during my reading I said to myself, “If I ever had a son, I might name him Karna, or perhaps I’ll name my next dog Karna.” And then shortly after, I read a passage that said something to the effect of: “Karna’s fame will be known around the world throughout the ages, and men in the far distant Kali Yuga will name their sons after him.” That’s how deeply moving and affecting his story is.
God bless Vyasa for gifting this work to humanity, and God bless Ramesh Menon for his faithful and beautiful retelling. One aspect of William Buck’s translation deeply moved me and is found on the very first page of his rendition: “Vyasa the poet tells you, Oh beware, beware of Reality, beware of Justice, enough of waiting and waiting, you are in danger. Once hearing the Bharata, who can bear listening to other stories, which sound like the braying of an ass?” And so it is. I will soon begin my third reading of the Mahabharata, and perhaps I will read it for the rest of my life. I have never been more moved by any other work of art I have ever encountered during my 47 years on Earth. The Mahabharata is Life, and I am deeply grateful for it.
I never really cared too much for winter on the east coast. The snow tends to be slushy and dirty, filled with grime from traffic, that can linger for weeks after a storm creating a soggy and depressive atmosphere. The clouds, too, linger around and whole months can go by in a dull, overcast, grey. But this doesn’t mean I don’t like winter. I have vivid memories of a family trip we took to Lake Tahoe when I was boy back in the late 70’s. As we were passing through the mountains at night to reach our destination, thick flakes of snow began to fall, rushing at the windshield in a mesmerizing, kaleidoscopic, pattern and filling my heart with delight. The next morning I woke up to an absolute paradise of a winter wonderland: quaint log cabins with heavy white roofs lined with icicles, dark green pines sagging low with snow, the mountains more majestic than ever, and of course, the infinite lake stretching into a misty abyss, all illuminated by the morning sun. It all impressed a sense of wonder into my heart that has never left me to this day. Winter can be stunningly beautiful, and so it is out here in Wyoming.
I had been a little intimidated about the onset of winter out here, however. For one, I’ve been scrambling to shore up my new house to ready for the season. This house had all kinds of problems and would have been a damp and frigid pit of illness all winter had I not taken urgent measures. But now, after fixing a leaky roof, leaky propane, and rotten siding, as well as replacing a rusted out wood stove and stuffing a lot of gaps with insulation, my home is actually quite cozy and hospitable. It feels good in here, especially looking out the window at an endless sea of white framed by speckled mountains.
I was also a little worried about maybe getting a bit lonely and feeling isolated, since I did only move here a few months ago and don’t have a lot of friends yet. But truth be told, although I’ve been alone for the past few years, I haven’t felt a single pang of loneliness in over a year and a half. I think it’s more than simply growing used to solitude; I feel I’m growing closer to God. I feel a conscious presence everywhere around me and in my heart. I feel a new sense of hope and purpose in life emerging from the ashes of yesterdays dreams. I don’t feel isolated from anything, but rather intimate with everything. I think I’ll be quite content just diving deep into music recording projects this winter, puncuated by frequent outdoor escapes to snowshoe through the mountains, cross country ski across a frozen resevoir, or ride powder at the nearby resort.
But this is a blog about horses. We got our first winter storm out here just a few days ago. We may have gotten eight inches or so, but I discovered that the big snow drifts out here can quickly turn a few harmless inches into several deep feet of heavy snow. I was worried about the horses on my land. Their water was frozen and so was the hose to fill the tank. The horses themselves were standing out in pasture with their backs to the heavy winds that were scattering snow and frost everywhere. I messaged JW to ask if we should be concerned. He wasn’t worried for them at all. He knew the storm was passing and the temps would come back up, and he knew the horses would eat snow to sate their thirst when their trough was frozen. I still felt a little sorry for the horses and decided to bundle up and brave the snow to feed them some apples and keep them company. They were excited for the apples and glad to see me, but no more than usual. They seemed completely content, business as usual, as if they didn’t even notice the weather. The only difference I noticed at all was that the lower half of their snouts were dark-stained with moisture from grazing through the snow.
The next day the sun came out although the snow remained on the ground and the temperatures low. Again I went out to greet them and enjoy their company. They were perfectly happy in the weather conditions, very lucid and bright in their vibrations. I felt lifted up by just being around them. They helped me to feel the vitality of the moment in fearless contentment. They were not daunted by the cold, nor anxious about the winter. They were alive in the present, thriving, confident. They were illuminated by the sun, supported by the earth, groomed by the wind, and sated on snow. In that moment I felt a sense of possibility as wide as the endless prairie.
After witnessing the beauty of a snow-draped Wyoming and the fearless fortitude of four, fine, horses, all my anxieties facing the winter have vanished. I don’t see the months ahead as any type of descent into less favorable conditions. I see a sun ascending over the white-capped mountains, its radiance accentuated by the crisp winter air. I see a woodstove in my basement, heating the floor boards and keeping the whole house warm. There is a fire kindled in my heart that warms my whole being in the same manner. I will tend to it, and not let it go out again.
My relationship continues to evolve with the eight horses I have access to on a daily basis, my neighbor’s herd of four (three geldings and a mare), the four grazing on my land (1 gelding and three mares). An interesting an unexpected lesson that the alpha’s of each herd taught me recently, is that hierarchy and pack dynamics matter, and that even as an outsider human, I have to cooperate with these aspects if I want to sustain harmonious relationships with all the horses. As I mentioned before, my neighbor’s horse Lefty shunned me for three days once the new herd arrived on my land. He had sort of laid a claim on me and tended to monopolize all my attention, pushing the other horses away or even biting them if they approached while I was petting him. Once he saw me lavishing affections on the new horses and feeding them apples that used to be for him, he ignored me for three days, wouldn’t come near me, and wouldn’t let me pet him. You could say he gave me the silent treatment. And it worked! I did feel snubbed and at first I couldn’t understand why. I hadn’t realized that horses are so temperamental.
This week, Cece gave me the silent treatment as well for a day and half, but for a different reason: I was being too fair and equal to all this horses in her herd, not giving her the greater share of attention and treats she was entitled to as the alpha. It started with an afternoon apple feeding. I cut two apples into eight slices, two slices for each horse. I gave each horse a slice in the order they were standing around me. Both Cece and Jasmine were suprisingly pushy, getting a little too used to getting sweet treats. When I went to give the last apple slice to the omega of the herd, the smaller, reddish mare, she was very hesitant to take it and I couldn’t understand why. She loves apples. As I was trying to give her the slice, Cece kept pushing into my personal space, and the reddish mare had a frightened look in her eyes. I tried to give her the apple one more time but she made a cry and jumped back, as Cece tried to pounce on the apple. I wasn’t going to try and force feed her the last slice, but I felt Cece didn’t deserve it because she had been so aggressive, so I gave the slice to the ever mellow and sweet gelding, Ticket. From then on Cece wouldn’t let me pet her for a day and a half. She even seemed to tease me. She would let me approach her, but as soon as I reached out to pet her she would quickly walk away as if to make a point. Point taken. I felt snubbed again and could feel the coolness of her emotions. She was mad at me.
After contemplating it for awhile, I think it was more than just being mad for giving away her slice. I think she is the alpha of the herd and is used to getting the first drink of water and the best patches of grass. I think she expects the others to defer to her and I’ve noticed they always do. By being fair about distributing the apples equally, I was actually going counter to the natural order of things. That’s why the red mare was hesitant, confused, then scared; I was trying to force on her what really did belong to Cece, what Cece was entitled to as leader of the herd. By not giving her the last slice, I basically disrespected her and sidestepped her authority.
Since then I’ve really taken the time and acted sensitively to win back Cece’s affections, and have succeeded very well. In fact, just two days ago she did something that no other horse has yet done; as I was petting her back, she stared leaning into me and swaying back and forth to rub her side on me. The swaying was very rhythmic, and with each sway should would lean into rub me. This went on for several minutes and felt quite intimate, especially feeling her massive weight pressed upon me, but her knowing just the right threshold of strength. Cece has also begun to act possessive of me like Lefty used to, and if I go pet any of the other horses for too long, she’ll approach to arrest my attention and push the other away. I guess now I’ll have to decide if I’d rather be friends with all the horses, but have Cece be a little cold to me, or if I should just have Cece as my best friend and maintain a more cordial relationship with the others. As you know, I am new to horses. I must say I never expected them to be so sensitive and tempremental. Yes, horses can be catty.
Today I walked a loop around my property at sunset. The horses were uncharacteristically scattered thoughout the pastures, each one doing his or her own thing. I intended to just pass the horses by and not bother them, but as I came up on each one, it ran up to greet me. They all knew I didn’t have apples. They just wanted to say hello and see what I was doing. Yes, my relationship with these horses continues to grow. They like me, we all get along, and we seem to have an understanding. I find it very fulfilling to be accepted by the herd, and they provide me endless delight. I often experience deep inner silence when I am with the horses as well. I feel their own silence by just spending time with them, and fall under its spell. They provide for me a portal to a more natural, wild, state of being. Horses are indeed noble creatures. I am honored to walk among them.
It fascinates how much depth there is in getting to know horses, how many layers. Not having spent much time around horses, at first I was getting to know the general nature and temperament of the animal, how they communicate, what they do and don’t like. Then I discovered what it’s like to establish familiarity with the herds, to get a place where we’re all comfortable and okay with each other. But now I’m getting to know these horses on a much more personal, intimate level.
I really noticed this today feeding apples to both herds of four that I have access to, the four grazing on my lot and my neighbor’s four horses. I fed my horses first and spent some time with them, and then left them to graze in my north pasture and went and fed my neighbor’s horses along my southern fence. I’ve known my neighbor’s horses about a month and a half longer than I’ve known my horses. My horses and I are really starting to have a rapport. They follow me around more often now, and I have unique ways I interact with each of them according to their nature and how our friendship has progressed. I think we all still feel a little new to each other, still retaining a degree of shy politeness, but we’re definitely getting over the hump into more casual relations. Ticket, the only gelding of the group, and “the dumb one” as JW puts it, is just as mellow as can be. He just stands there. I feel I could set a table on his back and eat dinner off him and he wouldn’t even mind. Or I could place my laptop on his back and write my next journal entry. Maybe I’ll try it. He’s not a moron though, just mellow. He’s plenty receptive to my attention and affection. Cece and Jasmine, the two bays, have opened up to me the most. We’re all quite comfortable with each other now and there is warmth between us. The smaller, but well-toned, reddish horse, who I uncreatively call Red, is still the shyest. But she may just be the omega of the pack. My neighbor’s mare Macy acts similar and is definitely the omega of that pack. She loves me, it’s just that the other, more dominate, geldings box her out and make her stand back. When I catch her alone she always runs to greet me, in fact, of all eight horses she does seem the most happy to see me each day. She’s beautiful and graceful, and has an angelic air about her.
After feeding my herd apples, they followed me for awhile, and then got the picture they weren’t gonna get any more servings. I felt like such a king being followed by a single-file line of large, majestic, beasts. I had intended to just go inside, but I saw Beau staring at me from across the fence. I’ve come to really believe that horses are telepathic and can beckon me from a great distance. Beau wanted me to come say hello. He wasn’t hoping for apples, I think he was just bored and hadn’t seen me in awhile. Nevertheless, I quickly ran inside and cut enough apple slices for all four, knowing the rest would come if they saw Beau getting treats. Indeed they did.
Spending time with these four who I’ve known considerably longer, it became very apparent how much more at ease and familiar we were with each other. It was as if we could all be our true selves and leave careful politeness behind us. It felt playful, and with much more content in the communication between us; we had more to say, greater rapport. As I’ve mentioned before, Beau can be incredibly pushy when he smells I have apples. I feel though it’s become a bit of a game, even an expression of intimacy. He loves to test my boundaries and is definitely smart enough to know when he crosses them, but loves to persist doing so even when I chastise him. But I’m no pushover, so I’ve started to match his willfulness with equal force in pushing back. It’s almost like wrestling. He likes to see what he can get away with, but I like to see how forceful I can be with him before he gets mad or spooked. We both enjoy it, and in a way it expresses how comfortable we’ve become with each other. It’s like how you can spar or wrestle with your buddies. You love each other and mean no harm, but it’s fun to test strength and wills sometimes, or to be rowdy just for the sake of rowdiness. I enjoy fighting with Beau. He knows I won’t hurt him, and I know he won’t hurt me. Sometimes he’ll even grab my fingers with his teeth, but just like a dog, he knows just the right amount of pressure to be felt but not to injure. One of these days I’m gonna bite him back!
Lefty is the horse I’ve grown closest to out of all eight. He’s a beautiful horse, and even my neighbor agrees that he’s the brightest and sweetest. He’s a great horse, exactly the kind of horse one could hope to have. He can be all business when it comes to apples, but when the feeding is done, he’ll spend more time with me than any of the others, and he’s even protective of me. He’s the alpha of the herd, and when we’re bonding, he doesn’t let the others come near. Him and Beau are good friends though and will usually start grooming each other after my visits. Today I spent a whole five minutes rubbing and scratching Lefty’s back while softly singing the Hunuman Chalisa. I noticed that both his hears were turned around in my direction listening intently. We had a real moment. We’re definitely friends.
Later Old Man Baker came around. I really like him. He’s well older than all the rest and is all skin and bones. He almost always keeps to himself and has never taken an apple from my hand, but in recent weeks, he will hang around and let me pet him. I think he has a beautiful face and eyes, but he does have these two deep pits above each eye, I guess just a sign of his gauntness. Today for the first time I scratched the inside of these pits with my finger. It was weird. They were so deep! He didn’t mind though. He’s a smart, sensitive, horse, but his age really shows, even in his attitude. He’s so independent and has this air about him that he’s seen it all and isn’t impressed. I love that guy.
It’s such an exciting adventure for me to not only get to know horses, but to discover the depths of their intelligence, warmth, and personality. I really am becoming friends with all eight. It uplifts my heart, enriches my life, and these experiences make everyday a good day.
I just wanted to show off my new diner booth. All my life I’ve felt very comfortable in a diner booth with a cup of coffee and a good book or a deck of cards, and I’ve spent countless hours of my life doing just such. I first broke through and fell in love with the genius of Shakespeare while snorting lines of Ritalin off a diner booth table in Las Cruces, New Mexico decades ago. I had to write a book report on a Shakespeare play for English class, and I got so jacked up on the Ritalin we had smuggled over the border from Juarez that I finally achieved the necessary level of focus and cognition to really break through and witness the Bard’s high language and wit. I absolutely fell in love with Shakespeare that night and I have subsequently read his entire canon with great awe and delight. Amphetamines weren’t required to appreciate his work after that, I only needed that initial lift so his wit could penetrate my thick skull. From then on, I was dialed in.
For nearly ten years I played reggae music in African clubs in Adam’s Morgan DC, often playing six nights a week. I would stay up smoking, drinking, and jamming each night, not getting to bed until four a.m. Every morning the first thing I did was plop myself in a diner booth at “The Diner” on Connecticut Ave to thaw out and ressurect myself from the previous night’s revelries. I had three significant girlfriends during that time, and each one would join me often to play cards and drink coffee, talking shit and laughing for hours. I sometimes wonder if the waitstaff ever pondered, “What’s up with the hippy and his card playing girls?” That’s just what I do. I like playing cards in diner booths. Fewer things make me happier. Maybe that stems from when I lived in Guadalajara Mexico in my early twenties, and each morning I’d eat my huevos rancheros by myself in an classic cafe and watch the old men play dominos. I could find all the contentment I needed there.
Since I’ve decided that my new home is my true home, and I plan to live here until vacate the planet, I figured I oughta just go ahead and get a diner booth to provide for the few simple props of my heart’s enduring contentment. I must admit, it was my friend Michael who really put the idea in my head when he helped me move my stuff from the east coast. Something was just missing from a blank, windowed, wall in my kitchen and I said I oughta put a little table there. He paused, then said, “You oughta get a diner booth”. Euraka! I knew it had to be.
And so I searched the internet and ordered one. Coincidentally, the booth was made and shipped from Morgantown, West Virginia, not too far from where I used to live and where I’d often perform at 123 Pleasant Street. It was a little more than I was hoping to pay, but the women on the phone was just so authentic and kind that she made me want to give her my business. She reminded me of everyone I’ve met out here: no guile, pure sincerity.
I just wanted to tell you about my diner booth, one, because I love it, and two, because it’s the location from where I’ll be writing all that’s to come from here forward. So when you read these, just picture me content in my diner booth, tapping away on my elderly laptop with a cup of a coffee making rings on the table and Indian music streaming from my little speaker box. There might be a ribbon of ganja smoke rising from the ashtray as well, dancing in the light from the window through which I watch horses graze over the endless Wyoming prairie. Yes, I have found contentment.
I now have FOUR horses grazing on my property until winter sets in. As a person who adores animals but has never had much experience with horses, this has been a real blessing and joy for me to get to interact with this small herd on a daily basis. I’m really trying to have no expectations and to not impose my will upon them, but to simply learn from them and interact with them on their terms.
I go out and talk to them and pet them everyday, and every other day or so I’ll feed them apples, trying to avoid having our relationship be solely based on me feeding them treats. Although I am somewhat of a new acquaintance to them, they have all been quite receptive of me. As I approach them they never run away and will let me stand in very close quarters with them, sometimes tightly sandwiched between their massive bodies. All of them let me pet them, but the two bay mares are the most receptive to my affections. The buckskin gelding, whom their owner says is a little dumb, seems mostly indifferent to me. The smaller, reddish mare seems the most wary of me, but not so wary that she avoids my pets. I refer to them by their color and sex because I only know two of their names. The indifferent bucksin is named Ticket. Although he is indifferent and maybe dumb, he seems to have a very gentle, mellow, nature. The smaller of the two bay mares is named Cece. Of the four, she is the most affectionate and personable. The larger, older, bay I’ll call “Softhead” for now. Her forehead above her eyes and between her ears is incredibly plush and soft, moreso than any of the others, and I enjoy petting her there. I’ll call the smallest, reddish, mare “Red” for obvious reasons. Softhead is the most pushy of the four, and she is the only one whose behavior I’ve felt any need to correct at all. When I feed them apples, she has poor manners and will push her way into my personal space, trying to grab the apples out of my hand or to even dig them out of my pockets. My neighbor’s horse Beau does the same thing. And so I’ve had to push back to a degree, telling her no in a lightly stern voice, pointing my finger in her face, and sometimes pushing her head away. It’s quite a new experience to me to have to push back against so large of a beast that could easily trample me and kick my ass if she chose, however, I’ve noticed that she is quite receptive to my admonitions and clearly understands my intent. In just a couple days she has shown remarkable improvement in this regard. Although she is pushy when it comes to apples, she otherwise comes across as quite intelligent and good natured. She is the largest of the four and I believe she is the alpha of the herd. She was slow to warm to me, but is now quite personable as well, receptive to affection, and nearly as sweet as her slightly smaller twin Cece.
I felt that yesterday was a bit of a breakthrough day in our relationship. Around dusk, I walked out to the pasture to feed them apples. They all behaved quite well. When I first started feeding them, all but Softhead were hesitant to even take the apples and spent a good amount of time smelling and investigating the fruit before taking them from my hand. That is no longer the case, and all four are eager to take the treat from my hand. I find it funny how even with something so simple as eating apples, they all have their individual nuances. My neighbor’s horse Lefty always drops pieces of the apple and I have to pick them up and refeed them to him. Cece is still a bit hesistant each time, while Softhead the most enthusiastic. Red has a funny habit of taking the apple by biting into each slice with his teeth to grab it, while all the others just scoop them up in their lips and then proceed to chew. After feeding the apples, I petted them all for a minute and then walked away far across the field to the highest point on my land where I have a wrought iron bench for watching sunsets. I never try to dominate their attention or take up too much of their time, rarely spending more than five minutes or so with them at a time. As I said, I’m trying to avoid imposing too much of myself upon them. I’m grateful for the minutes we have, and I don’t want to distract them from their natural function of incessant grazing.
After sitting on the bench for a few minutes watching the sun go down, I glanced over to the herd a couple hundred yards away. They were all facing my direction attentively watching me. Then, led by the two bays, they all started meandering towards me. Ticket at first lagged behind munching grass but then trotted to catch up. The bench is in the northeast corner of my lot. Here they all congregated and continued to graze, well aware of me but not paying me a whole lot of attention. My heart was warmed by the fact that they came all the way over just to be near me. They already knew I didn’t have anymore apples. I really enjoyed the peace of watching the sunset in the company of my new equine friends. Then both Cece and Softhead sauntered over to me at the bench. Softhead walked behind me, and Cece approached me from the front. I’ve read that a clear sign of affection and bonding from a horse is when they put their noses right up against your nose and mouth and share their breath with you. Both of them did this several times while gazing into my eyes. They were both fully relaxed and had the kindest look in their eyes. I too was very calm and relaxed, and reflected back to them my own love and affection, softly petting both of them on their necks and under their chin.
This experience meant a lot to me. I hadn’t asked anything of the horses, but they chose to come and keep me company of their own accord and to give these expressions of bonding and affection. I felt like Sally Field in her somewhat awkward but charming Oscar acceptance speech many years back: “You DO like me!!!” That’s why I felt yesterday was a breakthrough day for me and the herd. It was the first time they sought me out and showed their affection without me asking for it or trying to earn it through pets or treats. It really warmed my heart. These horses DO like me!!! I have very few friends out here in Wyoming so far. These horses are becoming more than just the beautiful beasts in my pasture; they’re becoming my friends, and I look forward to watching and writing about this friendship as it grows.
I don’t know if any of this is actually interesting to my few readers, but that’s okay. I’m writing this blog for my own understanding, as well as to hone my craft of writing. Nevertheless, I hope it brought you just a touch of the joy that these horses bring to me.